Parasocial relationships: why we feel like we know the people we follow

It may have happened to you already: you've followed someone online for a while, you know their way of speaking, their expressions, their little habits, and you catch yourself talking about them as if they were a friend. Yet that person doesn't even know you exist. This one-way bond has a name: the parasocial relationship. Far from being weird, it's a very common phenomenon, and understanding it helps you experience your follows more calmly.

A one-way bond, but a real feeling

Our brain wasn't really built to tell the difference between someone we actually spend time with and someone we see very often through a screen. By dint of hearing a voice, following a daily life, laughing at the same jokes, we start to feel a familiarity, exactly as with an acquaintance. The feeling itself is genuine: the attachment you feel is real. What's unbalanced is that the other person, on their side, doesn't share this bond — they're addressing an audience, not you in particular.

Why it isn't a problem in itself

Feeling this kind of attachment is nothing to be ashamed of or unhealthy. We've always had figures we admire from afar, who inspire us or keep us company without our knowing them personally. Following someone whose world does you good can be a genuine source of motivation, comfort or discovery. The parasocial bond even sometimes becomes common ground with others: we like the same creators, we talk about them, and that creates real connections — those ones — between people who share the same interests.

Keeping your feet on the ground

The little safeguard to keep in mind is not to forget what you're seeing on screen: a chosen, edited, shaped version. Even when someone shows themselves "unfiltered," they decide what they share. Remembering this avoids two pitfalls: comparing yourself to a life that looks perfect when it's actually edited, and expecting from a one-way relationship what only real relationships can give. Enjoying this content, getting a bit attached to it, is perfectly healthy — as long as it stays on top of your real-life bonds, and not in their place.